Wrote this a few months back but forgot about it until now.
This morning I’m off to see the heart specialist about my cholesterol. Last night I wasn’t feeling well, perhaps it’s was what I had for dinner or it could be anxiety about the appointment. I’m still feeling this way and I don’t really think I’m anxious… then again, who knows. I had a dream I was visiting Chicago and was sharing a hotel (or maybe it was an Airbnb) with this dysfunctional family from Delaware . And to top it off, Lady Gaga showed up for some reason. I never really had a chance to talk to her. I was too shy I guess. At one point the family decided to use a Ouija board so I left the room not wanting to be involved with that! As most of my dreams of this nature, I was spending h a lot of my time looking for things without much success.
I wrote this recently as a letter to my friends and church group as to why I haven’t been around lately and what is going on in my head. I was going to post it on our WhatsApp group but decided to make this a blog and then link it from Facebook and WhatsApp.
Hi guys… I have not been able to interact with you all these past few months, mainly because of my new night shift job at Amazon. It has also been almost 9 months since the first lock down and since I worked at my previous job at ECM. Fortunately, I have been able to meet up with a few of you guys over the past 9 months, and I’m grateful for the friends and fellowship, but it’s just not the same. I miss the groups, the Gay Lunches, meeting at church, at friends’ homes, parties, hanging at the beach, the list goes on.
This whole year has been hard for all of us, some have been hit harder than others. I have been thankful for how things have been unfolding for me this past year… some unexpected things. I have been thankful for how I have been able to go through this,
yet…. Cracks are starting to form in some places.
I enjoy my job but hate the hours, I love my new home but cannot really spend a lot of time enjoying it. I miss the sunlight, hanging with friends in the park, at the beach. I miss going to the pub, and dancing.
What keeps me going, is knowing I have great friends who I can keeping touch, either in person or on zoom.
Most of all I am happy to have met someone who has stolen my heart… It has had its rocky start, but we have weathered those missteps and continue to grow together.
I am weary of the restrictions at work, the mask wearing, the 6 feet rule. People will recoil at work if I get too close.
Now I completely understand, and this is some of the safety measures put out by Amazon, but I cannot help but feel rejected like I was some sort of pariah.
I am weary of mask wearing in public places, the limited hours at pubs, and at other public places. No large gatherings, parties, meeting friends on the fly. I miss live concerts, days at the beach, hugging. The list goes on.
I want life to be normal again, to go about doing the things I enjoy. I want to travel, see the sights, I want to see Rafael again. He currently resides in Toronto and I plan to go see him in January.
A vaccine has finally been approved but we wont see it roll out in a big way until 2021, maybe as late as September… so I plug away, holding on hope, my friends and my love, all from a distance.
I am hoping that sooner things will be back to normal again. …
Until then, I persevere and continue to protect myself and my friends by the restritions that are put out by our governments.