Staying Home While My Wife Goes Out Is Fine With Me

Tim's Blog - Just One Train Wreck After Another

[A dialog based on too many conversations, and some turns I would have liked those conversations to have taken.]


“What’d you do this weekend?”

“I spent Saturday morning in the kitchen cutting up vegetables to roast.”

“Aren’t you married?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Then you have a wife to do the kitchen work.”

“She was at the gym.”

“Oh, I see. She was working out to make sure she keeps her figure to stay attractive for you.”

“What? No. What?”

“A woman wants to look good for her man!”

“She was just working out with her friends.”

“Well, the ladies do need their time together.”

“She works out with men and women.”

“Together? I’d put a stop to that if it were my wife. She’d be at home doing that kitchen work.”

“You do know men are allowed to cook, right?”

“Sure we’re ‘allowed’ to, but it’s better that women do…

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When Churches Force Forgiveness and Discipline

Tim's Blog - Just One Train Wreck After Another

“Hello, Frank. What’s up?”

“I’m very sorry I hurt you. Will you forgive me?”

“Sure, but …”

“Ah-ah-ah … you know what the pastor always says: there are no ‘buts’ in forgiveness.”

“I’m still hurt, though.”

“Yes, well, you’ll just have to get over it now that I’ve asked your forgiveness.”

“Get over it? How am I supposed to ‘just get over it’?!”

“You need to let go and let God. That’s what I did.”

“I don’t think I can.”


“Yes, Pastor Smith, what’s up?”

“I’m very troubled to hear you refuse to forgive Frank.”

“I’m not refusing to forgive him. He hurt me real bad and I’m just not able to let it go yet since … .”

“You need to learn true forgiveness. He’s sincere in his sorrow to have caused you pain. Remember that Jesus forgave you even when you didn’t deserve it.”

“I know that…

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I make too many assumptions based on my own preconceived

(and always unproven) ideas,

based on my own hurts and fears…

I’d call myself an idiot but that is self defeating as well.

Time to pull up my straps and get on with life.


Live life DAMMIT!

Forget about what was…

look to what will be….

Nothing will necessarily be what


but rather what


Help me be a better person

to myself  and

to others around me.


Happy 22 Years in Vancouver



March 10, 1996 a Via rail passenger train rolled into a cloudy but warm Sunday morning carrying a young bright-eyed adventurer and his terrified yet loyal cat. It was a beginning of a new chapter in their lives which see many twists and turns along the way.

The bright-eyed adventurer was me and the terrified cat was Gaston who has since passed on after a long and full life in the big city.

I wasn’t sure what my path was then and was met with many an unexpected twist turns this past 22 years, and yes it has been 22 years living in this great city, an expensive city, but I have never looked back.


If you had told me 22 years ago, that I would be attending 2 affirming churches (St. Andrews Wesley United Church and St Brigid’s Community), that my sexuality was in fact OK and normal, that I would have a wonderful and diverse group of friends, and the list goes on…. I would have probably looked at you side ways and maybe even laughed.

Yes, life here in Vancouver has been met with unexpected turns and surprises and yet, despite the hurts and pains and uncertainties, I do love it here. I love my friends, family and my job.

Christ Church Cathedral


I thank God who looked after me through the good and bad times, through the wilderness and back and for letting me know that I was precious in his sight, and that I was made GOOD.

 “welcome back…. We missed you”,  

Were the first words I heard in my heart when I returned to church and that was a year ago.


Happy 22 years and I expect more of the unexpected surprises for the next 22 years and  beyond…..

ST Andrews Gang